So, humans, I’m starting to see a pattern. Once a month you make up a holiday so you can act silly about your pets. At some point, you have to stop. Not that I mind the extra treats, but I can do without all the affection. Here’s some rules I’ve given to my human:
Treats good, kisses bad. There’s a reason why, a looooong time ago, when you poked your face up to mine and asked for kisses, instead I nibbled ever so gently on the tip of your nose. Because I don’t do kisses! Don’t give them, don’t want them. Yes, I’ve learned to tolerate one on my snout from you, but that doesn’t mean you get to scoop me up and pepper them all over my face. Don’t you see me squirming to get away? It’s not a game, either. And even though I now comply with your request for a “nose-nip,” the action is in no way, shape, or form, a kiss.
Open doors and windows mean you love me. I get to do my favorite things when they’re open, like watch for squirrels and the big, brown truck. And if the neighbors across the street back out of their garage—bonus! Keeping doors and windows closed because you need to concentrate is not an option. It merely points to your lack of planning. You should have finished your project in time so I can bark and twirl to my heart’s content on MY day.
A special dinner isn’t too much to hope for. I saw you get the rice cooker out the other day, but how come none of the fluffy white stuff got in my food dish? And why is the peanut butter jar sitting closed on the counter? Where’s my spoonful? Oh yeah, don’t forget, I smelled the grocery bags when you brought them in the other day. You got chicken, so where is it? Seriously, why do I have to hang over an open dishwasher and lick the dishes inside as fast as I can when all you need to do is cook me up some chicken and rice with a side of peanut butter? Come on human, it’s my special day. Get in the kitchen.
Anyways, I won’t continue with walks, rides, squeaky piggy, pumpkin, TomTom, JennJenn, or KimmyKim, a few of my other favorite things you seem to have forgotten while you’ve spent the last two months typing. I concentrated on the things you can immediately address.
So, I’m ready. Bring it human. Celebrate National Pet Day.